Hello there lovely people!
So… after writing and posting my welcome I had a wobble. In the time immediately before I had written the foreword to a report on respite for unpaid carers, and a blog post for each of my blogs. Since writing and posting my welcome, I have emailed all the candidates who are standing in the local election in our area, and written an open letter to candidates that I am hoping Disability Talk will publish, but if they don’t, I will publish it on my blog.
I had been reading Substack posts, and then Notes was launched. That is when I had my wobble… the busyness overwhelmed me, and I ran away. Since then, I have had lovely, interesting, and thought-provoking conversations with Allegra from I am Happy and Johanna from Let Her Be, and have started to feel that maybe I can be a part of this community. In fact, it was conversations like those and the feeling of connection they gave me that drew me to Substack in the first place.
Starting a Substack has reminded me of starting senior school. When I arrived at my comprehensive senior school, I knew no one. Six months previously we had moved house to a new town, close enough to finish off my primary school life at the one I had started at 5 years old, but far enough away that I would not be able to join my friends at the school’s they would be moving on to. Add on the fact that throughout the summer I had been hospitalised with septicaemia, and so started the first term of the first year 6 weeks late. It felt like everyone knew everyone else, either because they had been at primary school with them, or they had siblings that knew each other, or they had simply made friends in those first 6 weeks. I was very much THE NEW GIRL…
I remember the trepidation I felt standing in the classroom whilst the teacher assigned another pupil to look after me that day. I’m still not sure if she was happy to have quiet, shy, nervous little me to look after and guide. Teenage girls can be very hard to read.
There is an odd mix of feelings that come with starting something or somewhere new – the feeling of wanting attention, of wanting someone to notice you and reach out to make a connection. But also, the feeling of not wanting the spotlight on you, and the feeling that it would be easier to fade into the background.
Like most young girls I slowly learnt the rules of senior school life – don’t stand out unless you are really very sure of yourself, the popular students are actually chosen by the teachers even though the students don’t realise it (those the teachers push forwards because they are good at sports, music or can pass exams easily) and appearance is everything. I chose the option of keeping my head down and trying my best to complete the academic work. I was never the brainiest, I couldn’t take part in sports because of my heart condition, and, much as I love music, I really don’t have any musicality. It was easy for me to float under the radar, and that suited me fine. I also started to make friends, a couple of whom I am still in touch with.
I still struggle with pushing myself forward and whether or not I want to be seen, but it has been my son who has taught me that it’s ok to be different, to be yourself, to stand up for what you believe in. Nowadays, not only do I write blogs, but I also take part in research studies and insist that my children are given the support they need to thrive (which involves quite a lot of angry emails!)
Starting this Substack feels scary and exciting at the same time – wanting people to read, but at the same time worried they might not like what they find here. I am slowly learning to navigate this brave new world I have discovered. Whilst there are moments of overwhelm, there are also more moments of feeling the thrill of connection and the excitement of releasing my words out into the world.
So, thank you for taking the time to read those words, and I would love to know how you are feeling about this Substack world and how long you have been here.
Donna, your gentle courage to show up despite the fears and doubts is beautiful. This reminds me of a Tarot reading I recently received and I'm sharing in case it resonates. We don't have to be louder than anyone else to be heard. The right people will resonate and the ones that don't...well, there's someone out there for them too. ❤️❤️❤️ P.S. I'm curious to hear more about the angry emails you send.